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A WHOLE NEW LIFE
[FlashXer] EXERCISE: TUESDAY, MARCH 18, 1008
Good Morning.
It is still something like winter around here. Even though the
calendar calls for
spring in a few days. Nobody has told the wind maker this, and he
wind is a force
to deal with. But relax, the birds will be chirping soon, the worms
will be
chomping soon, and we will soon bask in the warmth of the sun. Of
course, if you have
any eye difficulty, it wil be a glaring spring...and hard to see
things. Oh, what the hell,
this is no time for rambling. Just take it as it is, and enjoy the
season, the
weather and the fact that you are okay. A very dear friend of mine,
from the old days--
the 40's and 50's-- just wrote that he had cataract surgery (the
most popular surgical procedure
in the country, by the way) and now he doesn't hear so well.
Here's your prompt, do with it as you will
AN URGENT APPOINTMENT
Usual rules. 1000 words. In he subject line, please , the word
appointment, your name
and the story title.
Make sure you keep our date book current, that way you won't miss
that most important
of all appointments: I think John Ohara called it An Appointment in
Samara.
Have fun
Irv
Janine’s Appointment "A Whole New Life" 179 words
"I’m in a hurry, Nan." Ron said
"Why are you in such a hurry, Ron? Your appointment isn’t for a couple of hours." said Nan.
"I have an urgent appointment before that one. I can’t be late."
Ron stepped into the first appointment where he signed a contract to be the first earthling to live on Mars. His second appointment was with a gangster to arrange for a faked death so that his family would get the insurance money.
Ron didn’t read the fine print on his Martian contract. The faked death was unnecessary, since he was only being brought to Mars to be studied and then dissected when he finished the Martian tests.
"These silly earthlings, they fall for the line about being the first ones every time." Mock said.
"You’re right, Mock. It does make the transport of the subject of the study so much easier this way. We used to lose over half of them on the trip when they thought we were going to eat them. This way the study is much more genuine." said Merp.
03/20/08
Hi Janine,
Unfortunately, my copy arrived full of weird characters. I had to eliminate those character so I could read this tale.
Cute little tale about Martian abduction and how they con Eartlings into actually volunteering themselves to Martians. The moral of the story: Never trust a Martian.
I made some comments in your manuscript.
Regards, Mike
"I’m in a hurry, Nan." Ron said
"Why are you in such a hurry, Ron? Your appointment isn’t for a couple of hours." said Nan.
"I have an urgent appointment before that one. I can’t be late.",Br>
Ron stepped into the first appointment @@@ Seems like the wrong verb. Perhaps he met his appointment. @@@
where he signed a contract to be the first earthling to live on Mars. His second appointment was with a gangster to arrange for a faked death so that his family would get the insurance money.
Ron didn’t read the fine print on his Martian contract. The faked death was unnecessary, since he was only being brought to Mars to be studied and then dissected when he finished the Martian tests. @@@ Consider making this active voice, because the use of passive makes the sentence construction awkward. @@@
"These silly earthlings, they fall for the line about being the first ones every time." Mock said.
"You’re right, Mock. It does make the transport of the subject of the study so much easier this way. We used to lose over half of them on the trip when they thought we were going to eat them. This way the study is much more genuine." said Merp.
03/21/08
Hiya,
I like it, have a weakness for this type of topic, always have. Do you recal an old Outer Limits or Twilight Zone episode ended with the mysterious alien book, To Serve man, and it turned out to be....
......A COOK BOOK!
R.R.
Thanks for your critique by the way. No, that one was not faction, I've never been a crack dealing purse snatcher. :-) Hey, you guys do space aliens, I do bunny and mice and assorted other wierd stuff, ok?
03/29/08
The only part that seems strange to me is why he would do this? Maybe hint
at serious money problems or something that requires such desperate
measures. If he wanted to fake his death, he obviously wasn’t planning a
short trip! What kind of relationship did he and his wife have?
Monique
website created by Janine Bouyssounouse.
Last updated 03/22/08