Flash Exercise Online Portfolio
SHE GETS IT DONE
[FlashXer] EXERCISE: TUESDAY, MAY 26, 2009
In a way this is a different kind of excersise, but it is a
challenge, I trust. See
what you think....
Last night, while my wife watched the ball game I tuned in the local
NPR station and watched a very interesting look at Buffalo Bill Cody...
When it came to Annie Oakley, this prompt came to mind. I know it is
not what we hear from our history, but what if. So here it is, another
take on the wild, wild west. Should be an interesting take on things.
I know there were women who fought as men during the civil war, but
never heard of a gun slinging lady working the towns. Maybe we have the
start of a real story here...see what you can do.
WHEN THE GUN SLINGER RODE INTO TOWN, ON A NEAT SORREL, LEADING
A VERY HANDSOME PACK HORSE EVERYONE THOUGHT IT WAS SOME KID
WANTING TO GROW UP QUICK. WHEN THE RIDER GOT OFF, IT WAS A GIRL, AND
ONE OF THE WISE GUYS STARTED GIVING HER A VERY HARD TIME.
HE PUSHED TO A SHOWDOWN, AND BEFORE HE COULD CLEAR LEATHER, HE WAS
DOWN, WITH HOLES IN EACH SHOULDER. SHE LOOKED AROUND AND
SAID: "ANYBODY ELSE?"
This may need more than our usual 1000 words. So the maximum for
this exercise will be 1500...a lot more than usual. But, that's it.
In the subject line, please your name, and the story title. Use the
word Gunslinger to identify the story.
Get with it pardner...its a great new idea out there.
Have fun...
Irv
05/26/09 Janine's Gunslinger SHE GETS IT DONE 258 words
She looked around and said, "Anybody else?"
The people in the town stared in shock at the body in the street and all the blood. A woman gunslinger was a thing to behold. She was here to save the day.
"Please Annie, could you be our sheriff? You just gunned down our old one and he was corrupt," said the store owner.
"I wasn't planning on sticking around. I'm just passing through," said Annie.
"You would have a place to live and free food at the saloon. We could really use the help," said the store owner.
"Are you expecting more trouble because of the sheriff?"
"That's the idea."
A lone man rode in from the far end of town.
"That's what we were afraid of..." The people scattered into the buildings in town.
"Annie. Is that you?" said the gunslinger.
"Yeah, Harry. Are you here to avenge the sheriff's death?"
"Nope. I was hoping he was handled by now. I had enough of him the last time through here."
"Good. I was hoping I wasn't going to have to shoot my best friend," said Annie.
"If that is your handiwork, then they must want you to stay."
"Yep. Care to join me?"
"I would rather spread the word and get someone else in here. Let's get out of here. Leave this mess."
"And here I thought you would know by now. I do what I want."
"So I'll see you next time," waved the gunslinger on his way out of town.
"Not if I see you first."
05/26/09
Hi Janine,
Really good setup sentences. Neat story. Nothing cited in your manuscript.
Regards, Mike
05/26/09
Hiya,
The piece is clean, there is no fault I can find. So,... um,...
I recommend changing the author's name, it is too hard to pronounce. Also, there was not enough violence. We want either violence or sex or zombies in our flash fiction. And another thing, aren't women sheriffs referred to as She-iffs?
Come on Janine, either get serious about writing or...
... are you still reading this?
:-) R.R.
Thanks for your critique by the way. I toss stuff out pretty fast sometimes and perhaps it gets a little offensive or too silly.
05/27/09
Hi Janine,
Good story. No critique. -Rita
06/02/09
Hi Janine
Thanks for submitting this one for us to read and review.
I have to read anything with the word "gunslinger" in the title or description, so you drew me in straight away. Nice little tale with a bit of a twist, most westerns have the stereotyped male hero. It was refreshing change to see the MC as a female gunslinger, kind of sexy too.
Just my thoughts and opinions for you to take or toss as you see fit.
Good luck with your story.
Kind regards
Scott
website created by Janine Bouyssounouse.
Last updated 06/02/09