Flash Exercise Online Portfolio
FOOD FOR THOUGHT
[FlashXer] EXERCISE: TUESDAY, JUNE 17, 2009
This is another of those days when I have a lot on my plate. So, no
ramblings. Here's the prompt, I hope you like it....
THE PAPERBACK IN THE BARGAIN BIN HAD A LURID COVER. HE/SHE BOUGHT IT
FOR 75 CENTS.
ON PAGE 13 HE/SHE DISCOVERED A TOLL FREE PHONE NUMBER, CAREFULLY
CALLIGIGRAPHED.
THE NUMBER WAS CALLED, AND AN INCREDIBLE ADVENTURE BEGAN...
Usual rules. 1000 words. In he subject line, please the word
incredible, the story title and
you name. Have an adventure with this...it might prove to be really
exciting...
And that would be incredible.
Irv
06/18/08 Janine's Incredible "Food For Thought" 100 words
The paperback in the bargain bin had a lurid cover. He bought it for 75 cents. On page 13 he discovered a toll free phone number carefully written in calligraphy. The number was called and an incredible adventure began...
Gus had never made one of those calls. The woman on the other end spoke so seductively that he forgot where he was and went with what came naturally.
He was rudely brought back to the real world when he was arrested for indecent exposure. Gus made the call from his cell phone in a food court at a local mall.
06/18/08
Hi Janine. George was definitely a dummy.
By the way, congratulations on getting your story published in Flash Shot magazine, yesterday.
Regards, Mike
06/19/08
Janine,
Thanks for the laugh. Using the prompt for a hook worked very well. Your second paragraph setting up the conflict also worked well. And, wow, what a closure. Unexpected and so very clever. No tech nits on this well written scene. I suspect this will make the rounds as an email joke carried round the world. Nice work,
Sharon
06/19/08
Hi Janine,
hahahaha. Who would've thought? It's amazing how one prompt can lead to diametrically different stories.
You used the prompt well as a hook to lead us into the story. The next para does hint at what is to come.
And then you wrap it with a comical ending.
No real nits. I would only change the beginning a bit. I would maybe start with 'On page 13... ' and reverse the order of those sentences.
Thanks for sharing,
Joan
06/19/08
Hi Janine,
Short and funny. I would re-write the prompt to make
it your own. ...Rita
06/19/08
Hi Janine,
Cute story. I made a few notes in the text.
Thanks for the quick read.
Linda
FOOD FOR THOUGHT by Janine Bouyssounouse 100 words
The paperback in the bargain bin had a lurid cover. He @@@ if you are going
to name him later, I would use "Gus" now @@@ bought it for 75 cents. On page
13 he discovered a toll free phone number carefully written in calligraphy.
The number was called @@@ try active voice, "He called the number"@@@ and an
incredible adventure began...
Gus had never made one of those calls. The woman on the other end spoke so
seductively that he forgot where he was and went with what came naturally.
He was rudely brought back to the real world when he was arrested for
indecent exposure. George @@@ Gus? @@@ made the call from his cell phone in
a food court at a local mall.
website created by Janine Bouyssounouse.
Last updated 06/19/08