Flash Exercise Online Portfolio
NIGHT TIME CONFESSION
[FlashXer] EXERCISE: FRIDAY, NOV. 14, 2008
Well, here it is, Mid November and things are not
getting much better. Sure, gas prices are down, but
other problems are really getting to people. And through it all,
we keep hearing about Alaska. Enough already. I've been
there (as I am sure many of you have) and it is interesting,
but it takes a genius, like Jack London or Robert Service
to write well about it. (I'm reasonably sure you know who Jack
London was, but if you don't know Robert Service, go look him up,
he was one hell of a narrative poet, honest). At any rate, there
are exciting things happening these days, and I guess it is good
to be a part of them. Here's our prompt. Have a good time with it...
I think it provides you with lots of chances to be creative...
HEY BABE, CHECK THIS OUT. YOUR DAD/MOM
ISN'T MISSING. THE NEWSPAPER SAYS HE'S BEEN ARRESTED
AND IS BEING HELD IN JAIL, INCOMMUNICADO.
Usual rules. 1000 words. In the subject line, please, your
name, the word Jail and the story title.
One thing about jail, gives you an opportunity to contemplate
without much interference...that, of course, depends upon your
sentence....
Irv
11/15/08 Janine's Jail "Night Time Confession" 118 words
"Hey Monica, check this out. You're mom isn't missing. The newspaper says she's been arrested and is being held in jail, incommunicado," said Jake.
Monica snatched the paper. "What's happening? It doesn't say why she was arrested."
"Don't worry, honey. I'm going to call to see if a bail has been set."
"Jake! What did they say?"
"They said she wrote a confession letter and hung herself with strips of her clothing in the middle of the night."
"This has to be the twilight zone. I'm going down there right now."
The next day the paper had the details. Monica's mom confessed to drugging children in order to molest them in their beds once they were passed out.
11/15/08
Hi Janine,
Nasty, well-written little crime tale. Nice work. Consider cutting 18 words and submitting t to Flash Shot.
Regards, Mike
11/15/08
Hi janine. Good response to the prompt on a sensitive subject. No crit.
Hal
Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile
11/16/08
Janine,
Nicely written and good take on the prompt. Well done!
Harriett
11/19/08
Janine,
This seems almost like a teaser or outline. You're onto a potentially very sad tale here, but it ends before it really gets started. Basically all you've give the reader is a darn good hook. I hope you finish it. No tech nits.
Sharon
11/20/08
Hi Janine,
A very poignant piece. Only one thing if Monica's mom hanged herself, wouldn't Monica be more worried about if her mom survived. Just that bit needs to be re-written. -Rita
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Last updated 11/20/08