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THE HEATED DEBATE

[FlashXer] EXERCISE: TUESDAY, JAN. 22, 2008

Folks, try this one today. It should work out to be interesting... Unfortunately, I must truncate my little introduction (don't cheer, I'll make up for it some other time) since I have a lot to do today, and am running late.

IT'S DAMN GOOD HE DECIDED TO MEET FOR LUNCH...I'LL GET THE BASTARD THERE!

Usual rules. 1000 words, in the subject line, please, your name, the word Lunch and the story title. Go ahead, meat the sob for lunch. Have a rich desert, and you can charge the calories to me.
Have fun
Irv.

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Janine's Lunch "The Heated Debate" 56 words

"It's damn good he decided to meet for lunch... I'll get the bastard there."

For years, George Trunk had watched his nemesis, Will Davidson. The battle was fierce. They fought each other like no one else. Lunch was upon them and it would all be decided once and for all.

Evolution or creation... News at eleven.

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1/23/08

Hi Janine.

This is an interesting concept for a meatier and longer story.

The second sentence needs a stronger verb than 'watched.' Perhaps 'argued.' For years, George Trunk had argued with his nemisis, Will Davidson. The idea of them merely watching each other is lacklustre and creates no tension. But if they argued, or got into brawls, see the difference?

I'm unclear what 'Lunch was upon them,' means. Almost sounds as if somebody whose last name was Lunch was stomping both of them.

I also think the thing about news at 11:00 is intrusive and spoils the effect. This doesn't start out like a news cast, so I wonder why it ended like that.

Regards, Mike

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1/24/08
I'm afraid I don't get it. evolution? lunch? I feel like I should understand it, but I don't. I don't know how you feel about explaining your stories, but if you would explain it to me, I would appreciate it.

Connie

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