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CRUELTY HAS ITS PRICE

[FlashXer] EXERCISE: TUESDAY, OCTOBER 14. 2008

I would be very surprised if any of this dedicated writing group could actually remember the presidential campaign between Alf Landon an FDR. That would have been in the fall of 1932. Of course, we did not have all the communication wonders we have now. Radio was still in the growing stage, actually...but I think if we had had the same kinds of communication capability then we would be shaking our heads in disbelief...which I have been doing recently. It seems to me that Senator McCain is setting himself up for a real fall...so many mistakes, so many claims, so much BS it is hard to understand. At least from my perspective. If you don't agree, that's fine...but, the things I keep hearing are remarkable. I am on a countdown to see who gives up first, them or me. I may just take off...and forget the entire thing. (As a matter of fact, I plan to take off the last week of this month...for a peaceful, TV free cruise. More on that later.) At any rate, here is your prompt...have a fun with it. And if you want to help support this campaign, just send your non- deductable donation to me: If you do I'll know what to do with the money. You bet....

YOU ARE RIGHT. I HAVE A PROBLEM, AND IT IS, UNFORTUNATELY, YOU!

Usual rules: 1000 words. In the subject of your Email, please, your name, the story title and the word Problem...so we know what prompt you are writing to. As for the support, drop me a note, I'll be happy to tell you where to send the money. No checks, cash only.
Have fun with this
Irv


10/15/08 Janine's Problem "Cruelty Has Its Price" 163 words

"You're right. I have a problem. Unfortunately, it's you," said May.

"Me? What did I do?" said Frank.

"Oh gosh, you only destroyed my career. Your rumor about my being a sexual predator really put a damper on teaching," said May.

"If you think it's all that bad, why don't you call the cops? I'm sure they want to talk to you," said Frank.

"I bet they do. I'm sure you put in a report with them saying I was stalking you," said May.

"How do you know that?" said Frank.

"I know a great many things you don't know, dearest," said May.

"You can't get anyone to believe you. People say you're crazy," said Frank.

"You will be handled, Frank," said May.

After all of the investigations were over, the prosecution handled, the law suits won, Frank is behind bars and May is living happily ever after with men of character in a nice home in the woods. Cruelty has its price.



10/15/08
Hi Janine,

Interesting take on the prompt. A bit disturbing, as I'm sure you meant it to be. I had to read the final paragraph several times, until it began to make sense to me.

I think maybe instead of "After all of the investigations were over, the prosecution handled, the law suits won, Frank is behind bars and May is living happily ever after with men of character in a nice home in the woods. Cruelty has its price."br>
You might try it this way... The prosecutors did handle Frank and he is behind bars.? May is living happily ever after with men of character in a nice home in the woods. Cruelty has it's price.

As usual you don't have to use my suggestions. -Rita



10/15/08
Hi Janine,

I found this piece unclear. I marked the place in your manuscript that threw me.

Regards, Mike

CRUELTY HAS ITS PRICE by Janine Bouyssounouse 163 words

"You're right. I have a problem. Unfortunately, it's you," said May.

"Me? What did I do?" said Frank.

"Oh gosh, you only destroyed my career. Your rumor about my being a sexual predator really put a damper on teaching," said May. @@@ I find this cryptic. What does it mean to put a damper on teaching? Do you mean on her teaching career? When writing flash, try to be a clear as possible, otherwise you may throw readers out of the story as they stop reading to ponder your meaning. @@@

I you think it's all that bad, why don't you call the cops? I'm sure they want to talk to you," said Frank. @@@ I don’t get this either. If the cops want to talk to her, they would have already. @@@

"I bet they do. I'm sure you put in a report with them saying I was stalking you," said May.

"How do you know that?" said Frank.

"I know a great many things you don't know, dearest," said May. @@@ I don’t get why she’s calling him dearest. @@@

"You can't get anyone to believe you. People say you're crazy," said Frank.

"You will be handled, Frank," said May. @@@ Don’t know what this means. @@@

After all of the investigations were over, the prosecution handled, @@@ Is the word ‘handled’ some kind of legal jargon? @@@

the law suits won, Frank is behind bars and May is living happily ever after with men of character in a nice home in the woods. Cruelty has its price. @@@ Notice how May is living with more than one man, as implied by ‘men.’ I don’t get the idea of cruelty here. @@@


10/16/08
Hi Janine. Your story is quite complicated and feels as though part of it are missing, and this makes it hard to follow. I made a few comments in your manuscript for you to use or toss.
Harriett

"If you think it's all that bad, why don't you call the cops? I'm sure they want to talk to you," said Frank.@@@TALK TO HER ABOUT WHAT? BEING A SEXUAL PREDATOR?@@@

"You will be handled, Frank," said May.@@@MAYBE THIS SOUNDS AS THOUGH MAY HAS PUT A HIT OUT ON FRANK@@@

After all of the investigations were over, the prosecution handled,@@@BOUGHT OFF?@@@ the law suits won, Frank is behind bars and May is living happily ever after with men of character in a nice home in the woods. Cruelty has its price.@@@I DON'T UNDERSTAND THE ENDING@@@





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