Flash Exercise Online Portfolio
TELEPATHY, A NEW IDEA
[FlashXer] EXERCISE: SUNDAY, FEBRUARY 10, 2008
Do yu remember a writer named Don Hamilton?
His espionage character was Matt Helm ...and he was
as adept as 007 in getting to our enemies. Well, my grandson and
I were setting up some shelves to get some of my still unpacked
books on display..(it has only been 2 and a half years since we moved)
and I found one of his books. I started to read it to realize that
it is terribly dated....
no cell phones, for instance and other strange things. He has a long
passage
on the value of rear wheel drive in cars: these days only a few
vehicles offer
rear rear wheel drive. Interesting if antiquated. Is there a moral
or a lesson here?
Not really, but it does behoove us all to remember that the things we
write may
not have longevity...it is something to consider, I think. My prompt
today may
be antiquated, but then, so am I....
I KNEW THEY WERE SEARCHING FOR ME,
BUT I FELT SAFE AND SECURE IN MY HIDEY HOLE
Usual rules. 1000 words. In the subject line, please your name, the
word searching and the story title.
The idea is to reach for eternity and recognition in the twenty
second century.
Good luck
Irv.
Janine's Searching "Telepathy, A New Idea" 221 words
I knew they were searching for me, but I felt safe and secure in my hidey hole.
I heard them walking near me. I heard them talking about me. I knew they would destroy me if they found me. Hiding was my only option.
Living in a hidey hole can have its advantages after all. I can sleep and wake whenever I want. I can eat and drink what I stashed away years ago.
Yes, I knew they would be after me once they found out I was a telepath with the ability to wake it up in others. I knew there would be people who wanted to save me and want to destroy me all at the same time. Being by myself is the only safe option until cooler heads prevail.
Why can't they understand that a new form of communication is a good thing and should help civilization advance?
I guess my ability to give the bad guys a conscience has them scrambling to erase my existence. One of these days I will be rescued by the ones who want my abilities for the fight for good. It's just a matter of time.
At least that is what I tell myself when my stash of supplies starts to run low and I have to surface to scrounge for more.
2/10/08
Hi Janine.
Good response to the prompt. I like the concept. It's worthy of a much longer story, because lots of things could happen. You've set the stage very nicely in this very short tale.
I also like the voice. Sounds ominous. And indeed it is, if the protag is discovered. Using 1st person also drives the story home more strongly than if this were in 3rd person.
I made a couple comments in your manuscript.
Regards, Mike
TELEPATHY, A NEW IDEA by Janine Bouyssounouse 221 words
I knew they were searching for me, but I felt safe and secure in my hidey hole.
I heard them walking near me. I heard them talking about me. I knew they would destroy me if they found me. Hiding was my only option.
Living in a hidey hole can have its advantages after all. I can sleep and wake whenever I want. I can eat and drink what I stashed away years ago.
Yes, I knew they would be after me once they found out I was a telepath with the ability to wake it up in others. I knew there would be people who wanted to save me and want to destroy me all at the same time. Being by myself is the only safe option until cooler heads prevail. @@@ I don’t understand the meaning of this sentence and how it pertains to the story. It seems hiding is the only safe option until cooler heads prevail. @@@
Why can't they understand that a new form of communication is a good thing and should help civilization advance? @@@ Nice idea. @@@
I guess my ability to give the bad guys a conscience has them scrambling to erase my existence. One of these days I will be rescued by the ones who want my abilities for the fight for good. It's just a matter of time. @@@ Consider changing ‘the ones’ to ‘those.’ Also, consider changing ‘for the’ to ‘to’ @@@
At least that is what I tell myself when my stash of supplies starts to run low and I have to surface to scrounge for more. @@@ Nothing like rationalization. @@@
2/14/08
Dear Janine,
Somehow I felt that this was just an introductory for a much longer tale. You never do disclose who was looking for the person, or what that person was hiding from. As it stands now, it reads like a diary entry. But if that is what you intended, then somehow make it more ominous and terror filled.
Just some ideas...
Norma
website created by Janine Bouyssounouse.
Last updated 02/14/08