Flash Exercise Online Portfolio
THE PATRIOTS MARCH ON
[FlashXer] EXERCISE: SUNDAY, JANUARY 11, 2009
The Philadelphia newspapers this morning have articles
that feature George's eight years. I'm not going to comment
on that here: primarily because I don't think you are much
interested in my assessment...but the articles are interesting.
If you go to Philly.com you may be able to pick up the comments
wherever you may be. And you may find them interesting.
I know I did. One of the things you wonder about as you read
the comments is what person in his right mind would want that
job? I don't care how tough minded one may be, it is a
challenge...from day one until the end. It is even too challenging,
I think to be the subject of a prompt. Oh well, sit back and watch...
what happens will be interesting. The problem is, that whatever
happens it has a hell of an impact on all of us. Good, bad or
indifferent.
Here's your prompt. Maybe it will have a strong influence on you...
if it does, write it. Get with it, and meet your writing challenge for
today. It can prove interesting...
SHE'S A SNOB. ALWAYS PUTTING ON AIRES AND USING
THEM FANCY FOREIGN WORDS TO IMPRESS US....
Usual rules. 1000 words. In the subject line, please, your name,
the word snob and the story title.
Get with it now. We are looking for a real humdinger, full of them
fancy words, perhaps.
Have fun
Irv
01/11/09 Janine's Snob "The Patriots March On" 168 words
"She's a snob, always putting on airs and using them fancy foreign words to impress us."
"But, mom, she's a foreign exchange student. Those words are her native tongue."
"Well, she should learn when she's in this house, she better speak English."
"She does the best she can with what she knows in English, mom. Be nice to her."
"I think I'll just report her to the police. She might be a spy and we wouldn't even know it."
"Mom, she had to go through screening to be here in the first place."
"Well, they obviously didn't do a good enough job to let a foreigner into the country."
"Do what you have to do, mom. You'll find out in the end you were wrong."
"I'm doing what any patriot should do."
A few weeks later the papers showed a front page story of how overzealous patriots were targeting innocent people. This resulted in wasting the taxpayer's money investigating people who never did anything that even looked suspicious.
01/11/09
Hi Janine,
Good dialog in a fast-moving story. Only thing I suggest is that you capitalize 'mom' when it becomes a noun in direct address. For example, each time the protag included 'mom' in her dialog, it should appear as: Mom. Just substitute somebody else's name for her mom, and you'll see the difference. Mom is a proper noun when it's included in a sentence in which the noun is used in direct address.
Regards, Mike
01/12/09
Hi Janine,
This story has great possibilities, but the end falls flat. Show me some of the conflict the accusations created. -rita
01/23/09
Hi Janine
Such a timely topic and well written.
Kind regards
Scott
website created by Janine Bouyssounouse.
Last updated 01/24/09