Flash Exercise Online Portfolio
FALSELY ACCUSED
[FlashXer] EXERCISE: SUNDAY, JUNE 7, 2009
Yesterday was a momentous day, for me at least. Fortunately,
I was still in the states on June 6, l944. I graduated from
aerial navigation school four days later...and I didn't get overseas
until
the fall. The intervening time was spent in training...down in Florida.
But I feel for those poor buys who were on that mission. I suspect
that had I been among them, my marker would be there, with the
others on Normandy beach. I was lucky, as were my brothers.
Two of my brothers were in the service then, and we, all three managed
to stay alive: that is probably an achievement. At least I think of
it as such. There have been wars since then: Korea, Nam, Grenada,
Desert Storm, Iraq but WW11 was the most meaningful for most of us
who remember. And had we not won, I can assure you I would not
be here writing prompts and thinking creative thoughts.
And you might be here, but your thoughts might very well be in a
language different from English: be grateful that you are not in that
position. Regardless, I have no reason to pontificate much, except
to say I am grateful...what was it the poet wrote: "I thank whatever
Gods may be for my unvanquished soul."
(Yes I changed it a little, but you get the idea. At any rate, have
fun with this. It should spark an idea or two. I hope it does...
HE WAS IN THE HOTEL WASHROOM, WASHING HIS HANDS, WHEN THE DOOR
BURST OPEN AND TWO THUGS CARRYING PISTOLS STORMED IN....
Usual rules. 1000 words. In the subject line, please, your name
the word washroom and the story title.
If you are getting ready to leave the washroom, be sure to scrub your
hands. Never know who you will meet there, or on the way out.
Have fun
Irv
06/07/09 Janine's washroom EASY STREET 181 words
The two thugs ducked into the hotel restroom. They didn't notice the man washing his hands.
"What are we going to do now Sandy saw us, Dave?"
"Forget Sandy, Ralph. We better stow our guns."
"Let's get the satchel of money from Sandy's room and be done with it."
"We've got silencers so we'll just do her in her room and be done with it."
"Yeah, it's better not to leave witnesses. We'll be on easy street in no time."
The two thugs left the restroom. The cops made it to Sandy's room in time to save her life and catch the thugs.
Wendell in the restroom who called 911 and let them listen to the whole conversation felt like he did a good job saving a woman's life. It turns out the two guys were already wanted by the cops for a robbery at a pawn shop where they got their guns. It was a close trip to the hotel for the cops. Now Ralph and Dave can do time and think about how close they were to easy street.
06/07/09
Hi Janine,
Good response to the prompt. However, instead of the narrative ending, it would have been fun to read it in dialog, because your dialog is good. I mean cops talking among themselves about what happened. Something along those lines.
Nothing cited in your manuscript.
06/07/09
Hi Janine
Nice take on the prompt. I'd change one of the "and be done with it" as they are right next to each other and almost line up because to the sentence lengths.
The next two sentences also have "in time" lining up as well, maybe change one of these also.
Kind regards
Scott
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Last updated 06/07/09