WOW Online Portfolio

Assignment 1 Mechanics 2

General Assignment Instructions
Compose your assignment offline using your favorite word processor. Don't indent (tab) or use any other "special" formatting such as bold or italics. Use an extra hard return ([Enter]) to create a blank line between paragraphs. If your word processor creates special typographic characters (such as "smart" quotes, ellipses or em dashes), turn that feature off, as these characters will not translate properly to the Personal Notebook (if you’re not sure how to turn the feature off, simply save your file as "plain text" before attempting to copy it to your Personal Notebook).

If the assignment has more than one part, start each part of the assignment with an appropriate header and put a couple of extra hard returns (blank lines) between each part. Be sure to adhere to the specified maximum word count for each assignment; your instructor will not be able to critique material beyond the maximum number of words.

If you have any questions for your instructor, include those at the end of your assignment.

If you prefer not to have your assignment posted for group critique, be sure to add that note to your instructor as well. DO NOT USE YOUR PERSONAL NOTEBOOK TO SEND MESSAGES TO YOUR INSTRUCTOR PRIOR TO ASSIGNMENT SUBMISSION—DOING SO WILL PREVENT YOU FROM BEING ABLE TO SUBMIT THE ASSIGNMENT.

Refer to the Orientation area for detailed assignment submission instructions.

Assignment for Session One
This assignment has four parts (be sure to label them accordingly):

Part I
Rewrite the following, correcting the run-on or fused sentences (please number your answers accordingly).

1. Why should I spend so much money on a new outfit for the dance when I have plenty of clothes in my closet already?
2. Summer is an exciting time of year for children when school is out and the pool is open.
3. Tissues are a necessity in the winter because people always have colds.
4. Once in a great while, a writer comes along who changes the way we look at things, and James Joyce is a good example.
5. Freelance writing is an arduous career path to follow and the rewards can be great, but it’s hard to make the time.


1. Why should I spend so much money on a new outfit for the dance, I have plenty of clothes in my closet already.
2. Summer is an exciting time of year for children, school is out and the pool is open.
3. Tissues are a necessity in the winter, people always have colds.
4. Once in a great while, a writer comes along who changes the way we look at things James Joyce is a good example.
5. Freelance writing is an arduous career path to follow the rewards can be great but it's hard to make time.

Part II
Rewrite the following, correcting the sentence fragments (please number your answers accordingly).

1. With compasses in hand, the Boy Scouts trekked through the thick woods of central Kentucky, where they practiced their orientation skills.
2. Ethnocentric movements are resulting in the death of some population members in several former Soviet republics, so that in many other parts of the world, people are starting to protest.
3. In front of the couch the car crouched, waiting silently for the mouse to reemerge.
4. Ronald is suffering from manic-depression, a disease caused by a chemical imbalance.
5. Children may act out their frustration by complaining to their parents that the neighbors are mean if they get healthful snacks instead of candy in their Halloween bags.


1. With compasses in hand, the Boy Scouts trekked through the thick woods of central Kentucky. Where they practiced their orientation skills.
2. Ethnocentric movements are resulting in the death of some population members in several former Soviet republics. So that in many other parts of the world, people are starting to protest.
3. In front of the couch the cat crouched. Waiting silently for the mouse to reemerge.
4. Ronald is suffering from manic-depression. A disease caused by a chemical imbalance.
5. Children may act out their frustration by complaining to their parents that the neighbors are mean, if they get healthful snacks instead of candy in their Halloween bags.

Part III
Rewrite the following, so that the modifiers are no longer misplaced or dangling (please number your answers accordingly).

1. The Olympic Committee decided to let Tonia compete, though she is only thirteen.
2. She opened the window to let in some fresh air, but the room quickly became too cold.
3. Women’s access to the front lines has often been denied, even after completing combat training.
4. The newspaper did not hire Stacey, though she has been a writer all her life.
5. The perfect black dress caught my attention upon entering the boutique.


1. Though only thirteen, the Olympic Committee decided to let Tonia compete.
2. Opening the window to let in some fresh air, the room quickly became too cold.
3. Even after completing combat training, women's access to the front lines has often been denied.
4. Though a writer all her life, the newspaper did not hire Stacey.
5. Upon entering the boutique, the perfect black dress caught my attention.

Part IV
To give your instructor—and the class—an idea of what kind of writing you're most interested in, compose a brief sample (up to 250 words). If your interest is business writing, for example, you might want to submit a business letter or product proposal. If you want to write fiction, try a short character sketch or scene description. If you're interested in personal writing, start an essay or describe an important memory. This is a short exercise, so don't try anything too complicated. If you're not sure what kind of writing you're interested in, or if your writing goals are varied, you may just want to write 250 words describing those goals. Whatever you write, pay special attention to the mechanics of grammar and punctuation, and try to incorporate what you learned in this session about handling phrases and clauses.

Kent dove through the flames of the oncoming fireball sent from the hands of Hartnet the Harsh, himself. Kent rose with his sword in hand, lunging at the enemy. Hartnet evaded the attack easily, while hurling another fireball. Kent ran for the doorway to evade the fireball. Entering the next room, Kent grabbed a spear from the wall and hurled it back through the doorway. The spear hit its mark in Hartnet’s chest. Kent ran to where Harnet was falling onto the floor to ensure Harnet was actually dead. As Kent neared, Hartnet pulled the dagger from his boot. The dagger made such a quick plunge into Kent’s abdomen. Kent fell on top of his enemy with such a look of shock on his face. The two died together in such a heap surrounded by the blood of the day long battle with not a single survivor.




Instructor's Feedback/Discussion (ascending order)

Instructor Blue: Hi Janine—
My goodness – your writing has quite a passel of excitement in a short space. You did a great job with keeping all those characters straight, and that’s one of the great challenges for that sort of action scene.
I’ll go through the material in order and make some comments as I go.
Part I
2. Good catch on the comma splice. Note that the “and” in the subordinate phrase is a coordinating conjunction, so a comma after “out” would be good.
5. You caught the fused sentence problem and added the appropriate comma with the “but”; however, there is one other coordinating conjunction here – after follow – so a comma before that “and” would be good.
Part II
1. You did a good job of sorting out this sentence; however, you don’t need a comma before the final subordinate phrase.
3. Good job – I just got a chuckle out of typo that gave me a crouching car rather than cat.
5. This is a complicated sentence with many opportunities for modifiers to be in the wrong place. You did a pretty good job catching all this. The only remaining problem is that the “they” refers back to the “neighbors,” making it the neighbors who are going about with Halloween bags. This is true for the “their” as well. You could go for something such as:
***
...neighbors are mean if they provide healthful snacks instead of candy for the children’s Halloween bags.
***
Of course, there are many ways to revise this, so I’m not saying that my example is the only solution; I just hope it might provide clarification to my suggestion.
Part III
3. This one is tricky. The subject (and noun) of the sentence is “access” for determining what the modifying phrase refers back to; therefore, the “...completing combat training” could seem to indicate that “access” had completed the combat training. You could repeat the word “women.” You could also make the subject of the sentence. For example:
***
Even after completing combat training, women have often found that their access to the front lines is denied.
***
5. In this case, the word “attention” seems to be what enters the boutique. To refer back farther, we again have the “perfect black dress.” We need someone to put before the “entering.” a quick fix:
***
The perfect black dress caught my attention as I entered the boutique.
***
Part IV
As I said, you have captured a lot of action in a short space. You did a good job of keeping the action clear, so I could tell who was doing what.
I have very few suggestions to make, but I’ll set my picky meter on high and mention a couple things.
In the third sentence, you don’t need a comma before the subordinate phrase (while hurling...).
For the last three sentences, I would suggest not using “such” as an intensifier for a “telling” action. This is often done in the vernacular, but for writing, providing the detail is usually a much better choice. For instance, instead of “such a quick plunge,” one might go for:
***
The dagger flicked like lightening, plunging into Kent’s abdomen.
***
I’m not saying that you should write the passage this way, but I’m trying to illustrate one way to “show” the action rather than use a series of words such as “such” and “quick” to modify the action. Does that make sense?
In each case, I would go for the details of the action so that the reader can “see” it rather than be told about it.
As I say, this is quite picky and really extends beyond the boundaries of the assignment, but perhaps it is useful to you for your writing.
Great work. I’m looking forward to reading more of your writing.
M

2/27/2006 7:10:05 PM

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